Neolamprogus Brichardi - The Princess Cichlid.

I don't believe in "uneven relationships."
Whether it be with teens or adults.
It all just resembles a lower grade of abusive relationships.
Seems like Fobs like it though.
The bleached rangga dude walking around with his little fake blondie bitch followin behind.

I'm not into that shit,
I don't see how people can stand being in a relationship where you are unhappy.
Sure, there are bound to be times when a couple will run into hurdles, but you either do it together, or you don't do shit at all.
But for fuck sake if you're one of those demanding bitches, guy or girl.
Chill out and look back at how your treating your partner.

Shouldn't both parties have smiles on their faces?
Shouldn't both parties have equal rights in their relationship?
Shouldn't both parties be able to share ideas and thoughts without criticism?

Who am I to say this eh?
I'm the one who failed an eight month relationship

To be honest, I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel,
and yet I kept going and going thinking something was bound to go my way.
I hate myself for the things I've done.
The choices I made.
I hate myself for the way I think and act, the life I live and the heart I call my own.
Someone made a guess that I threw on a fake smile most of the time.
That scared me, it was a very real fact and I never wanted to face it.
All these years after Mom and Kana, I never wanted to deal with anyone let alone myself.
I drink to no return, I smoke like theres no tomorrow and I just work my ass off.
Some say I have no life, some say I don't even try to have a life.
The train I boarded, the one that derailed and crashed through Eden.
Yeah, that one.
It's finally stopped churning up beautiful land, the only passenger to take the first shaky steps outside to find the damage irreparable.
Today I met some genuinely lovely people.
Yes, I didn't fit in whatsoever.
I must confess, to have even stepped into that room was a sin.
It felt as if I was a fly just messing up what was beautiful.
The train.

I guess there is a beautiful side to life.
Something to look forward to.
But do I even deserve it?
I feel as if I don't work hard enough for anything.
All I do is pour my life and soul into my fish tanks.
Wishing that some day it'd take me away from this life and put me into a totally different position.
Suits everyday, million dollar cars and billion dollar house.
That'll never happen.
I can't picture anything even close to living a normal life.

I'm babbling on about nothing.

TJ

I really can't ask for anything better in my life.
I've got a great job.
I've got a great sister and brother.
I'm going back to Malaysia in July.
My aquariums are running well.
Hospitality is another thing to look forward to.
But theres still something missing.

Steph told me someone will come round sooner or later.
So did Jitrin.
Maybe it really is too much to ask for.
The way everything seems to be spinning round and round with me in the middle.
Like water spiralling down a drain.
Seems like everything's in place, cept that empty hole in the middle.
With no water to fill it.

I'll end it here.

TJ

Less than a week till school starts.
Haven't gotten any work done yet.
This isn't a good start to a new year...
I'll make a couple of calls tomorrow.
Make sure I have everything under control and within view.
Do everything before Saturday.
Then I'll get a hair cut n shit whenever.

Helped out someone with their pond today.
Turned out to be a really good learning experience.
These holidays have been awesome.
Fishing with the guys, lots of shifts at work, grandma visiting, reptile liscence and most of all...
I'M GOING TO MALAYSIA THIS YEAR!!!
Yes, the countdown has started again.
As always right?!!

But this doesn't mean I can slack off.
I need to correct all the wrongs of last year.
And that means more time spent with whats important and less time working on NOTHING.
I need to make sure I don't de-rail this train.
Gotta make sure I'm not speeding, and not going to slow.
Theres always the right time to do something
and when it come to work, I'd rather do it earlier than later.
I left my outcome tasks till last.
and this isn't good...

Anyway, lots of work tomorrow.
Gnite world.

Lets get rich, and buy our parents homes in the south of France..
Lets get rich, and give, everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance..
Lets get rich, and build a house on  a mountain makin everybody look like ants..
And way up there, you and I, you and I...

I loved the way the humid, almost lukewarm wind would brush past my face, play with my hair like grass in the wind.
I loved the way the beach chair would creak silently every time I reclined and sighed.
The cold beer in my hand, slowly refreshing my senses. Yet at the same time taking me into a state of trance in tiny minuscule steps.
The sun, threatening to scorch my feet on the rough swamp green surface of that wonderful rooftop, or the moon, peeking through the thin mist that always seemed to dance around it in that part of the world.
The smell of moisture in the air, food from the stalls nearby, sounds of the beach below.
I really can't point out what that place makes me feel.
It's a feeling of floating just above the ground, feeling weightless yet almost having all the power in the world.
Being able to look over the sides and peer twenty floors down.
Observing the busy atmosphere of the food stalls, night markets and congested two lane intersections.
Yet on the other side, the calm dark waters of the sea.
The ever gentle moon casting it's wisps of light to the tips of each small wave.

To have found that place was a stroke of luck.
I don't regret a millisecond of it.
It's always a chore to peel myself from the red blue and yellow beach chair riddled with rust and age, to leave that heaven, trapped in such a small space.
There are no walls, no ceiling, nothing but a couple of vents and two taller extensions cradling gigantic cubes of water storage containers.
I loved it there, sitting, staring, drinking, smoking.
No judgments were made there,
no decisions or conclusions.
Just thoughts of serenity and my love for such boundless seclusion.
It's my long lost hiding place.
It'll never leave, and I'll never forget about it.
It's a place in the world where my fears and mistakes cannot follow.
Where my past follows each silent barefooted step of mine like a shadow, speaking not a word, restricted from casting it's doubts by this calm serenity.
This little heaven of mine.

TJ

Tenth month huh...
I guess this really is it.
Two months and I'm officially back to being lost.
I always thought this was a good thing.
Being single for a solid period of time.
Seems to have taken it's toll.
I didn't actually realize how lonely I was before dinner four hours ago.
Ritchie with Pia, Fi with Ben.
I didn't realize until Grandma asked me where my date was.
The feeling when I was digging deep for a stupid reason to lift the silence that everyone seemed to contribute to when the question was thrown out.
"My boyfriend is in Queensland for the holidays."
Typical isn't it?
Finding something relatively funny to people as an excuse to avoid what really is flashing infront of my face.
I tell myself that the wait will be worth while.
What am I waiting for?
Maybe going out with cheap excuses for girlfriends is my love life.

It's a wonder how I can fall asleep without you...who ever you are.

I really haven't written anything worth while here for ...a bit.
I really can't say much about me.
Nothings changed at all.
Maybe lost track a bit with the way I act and the way I feel.
But overall, still nostalgic and living in the past.

I've been really lazy with classes and school in general.
I even wagged Food Tech a couple of times...
Thats gotta tell you something...
I guess what I'm really trying to say is...
I really don't know what I'm living for anymore,
I've been single and I'm actually enjoying what it has to offer.
Although, there are times when I just needed someone to hug and fall asleep with.
Forget the past, forget the present, forget the troubles the future will bring.

A friend told me to write down what I feel,
to acknowledge what I'm going through and how to get through it.
Well, here it goes..

I feel...lost, without a path. As though my train has just derailed but is still crashing through what was beautiful scenery.
I feel...useless, not needed. Why am I here? I am not needed, I am not wanted here...I have no use, no...meaning or reason.
I feel scared....scared of what is to become of me, although I have the power to change all of it, I don't have the will to change. I have nothing and no-one to change for.
I feel...like I'm drowning.

I can't breath, yet I'm still sitting in this room my own brain created. Filled with poisonous smoke, filling my lungs with thoughts of wanting to run away, thoughts of wanting to escape to a place where nothing of my past could follow.
I'm burying myself in work and my beloved hobby, as though I'm scared of facing the life I have to live.
The friends I used to love hanging out with, are now distant, because of me.
Because of what I'm scared to do, accept that I'm alone?
Accept the facts surrounding me?
The skinny, useless, brainless, lonely nobody that I am?
Why can't I just take it like a man and keep going.
Why does this always have to chase up to me.

I've hit rock bottom and the rocks and soil I've kicked up on the way down has finally buried me alive.
I feel as though I'm just a soul drifting along this world with nothing else to do but hinder everyone else's life.
I'm going to stop.
Because this whole damned space is just about me.
What about everyone else.

I had another scary dream...

Everything in the world was about to blow up.
Destroy the face of earth.
Everyone knew it was gnna happen.
Space ships and what not were provided for everyone in order to escape what was going to be hell in the next half a day.
Look i can't really explain it unless i could make a really good movie out of it.

Scary part of it was,
I was the last one on earth.

Please read, and help not only me, but millions of other aquarists to take down the government's ridiculous proposal.

TJ

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FISH HOBBYISTS - YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS URGENTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last week representatives of the pet industry attended a meeting in Canberra with officials from Department of the Environment & Water & also the Bureau of Rural Sciences. We are advised from this meeting that they intend, effective 7th November, to recategorise ALL of the fish species currently on their "Grey List" as "Noxious".

This would result in all of these fish being illegal to sell or even keep privately, with the sanctions of fines & possible convictions for anyone caught doing so, & the seizing & destroying of the fish.

The full grey list can be viewed on http://www.brs.gov.au/ornamental , but includes amongst others most of the large American cichlids, all arowanas, bichirs, knifefish, stingrays, eels, koi & a number of large catfish & "exotics". In effect almost all large fish kept in the hobby today.

It is also important to stress that this list is not final, & other species can be added later.

If allowed to proceed this legislation will decimate our hobby, & if this is of concern to you we need your help to stop it. One of the major problems is that the Government Departments have mainly consulted wholesalers who are not badly effected by the fish listed, & we need to ensure that they learn just how much opposition is out there to this proposal.

THE ONLY THING THAT WILL STOP THIS OUTRAGE IS IF WE BURY THE DEPARTMENTS & MINISTER IN OBJECTIONS. Hobbyists, retailers & aquarium societies are all banding together to give a unified response to achieve adequate consultation.

Attached please find a pro forma letter that we would urge you sign & email to the parties listed, & preferably also your local member as well. Of course feel free to add your comments or write your own if you prefer.
Please also tell anyone eelse you know & ask them to help - part of the problem is no -one has been warned this was coming, & they have given us so little time to respond.

PLEASE ACT NOW - AFTER 7th NOVEMBER IT WILL BE TOO LATE. Don't leave it to others - we need every voice we can muster, only weight of numbers will make a difference.

PLEASE DOWNLOAD THE PETITION BELOW AND SIGN IT AND EMAIL IT TO THE EMAIL ADDRESS PROVIDED ABOVE.
IF POSSIBLE ALSO PRINT THIS PETITION OFF AND SIGN IT AND SEND IT TO YOUR LOCAL MEMBER OF PARLIMENT ASAP.

Email contacts are:-

Peter.Garrett.MP@aph.gov.au

Tony.Burke.MP@aph.gov.au

nick.gascoigne@environment.gov.au

anthony.moore@brs.gov.au



For the attention of :-

Mr Anthony Burke, Minister DAFF, PO Box 6022, Parliament House, Canberra, 2600
Mr Peter Garrett, Minister DEWHA, PO Box 6022, Parliament House, Canberra,2600
Mr Anthony Moore, Bureau of Rural Science, GPO Box 858 Canberra 2601
Mr Nick Gascoine, Department of Environment, Water, Heritage & the Arts GPO Box 787, Canberra, ACT,2601


Dear Sirs,

Re ; Proposed extension of the Australian & National Noxious Fish List

It has been brought to my attention that your department(s) intend to upgrade all of the fish species currently on the National Grey List to the category of Noxious, & I wish to object & oppose such action.

I am alarmed that this intention was only made known to a few industry representatives last week yet is proposed to be finalised by 7th November. This is clearly inadequate time for all interested parties to be informed & respond, & I preface my objections with a request that any decisions be delayed for sixty days to enable fair & reasonable consultation. I note also that to date that consultation which has occurred has mainly been with parties such as industry wholesalers who are largely unaffected by the proposal, & you need to be made aware of the very large number of retailers, hobbyists & members of aquarium societies who will be adversely affected.

- Unlike the current Noxious list, the proposed extension now includes many widely owned aquarium species, & many of the most prized & valuable in the hobby. Fish such as the American Cichlids, Arowanas, Stingrays,Knifefish, Eels, Bichirs & others form the heart of the collections of most serious aquarists, & are the economic mainstay of many aquarium retailers. Indeed many retailers would struggle to survive this proposal, particularly the specialist retailers who cannot generate sufficient profit if deprived of their most valuable sales. Note also that many hobbyists have tens ( & some hundreds) of thousands of dollars worth of fish in their collections, which value your proposal would wipe out over night.

- Any recategorisation should be on a species by species basis, not a blanket ban, & the "scientific" basis for such action needs to be both reasonable & transparent, & widely consulted rather than just an arbitrary subjective departmental opinion. Many of these species could not survive &/or reproduce in our waterways - due to temperature, water chemistry & predators - & even of those that theoretically could many have been kept as pets here for decades without problem.

- How can one reasonably claim the listed fish are worse than many not targeted, or is the ultimate intention to ban all non-native Australian fish? How can it be that a common goldfish is not banned when it can & does live in our colder & polluted waterways. Taken to it's logical conclusion are we to tell all pet shops in Australia they cannot sell goldfish, & all Australian children that they cannot have a goldfish in a bowl?

- Far from protecting our environment the proposal will have the opposite effect. Regrettably it will spawn a black market just as has occurred with reptiles & birds, & remove any chance of proper regulation. And fish which are today very valuable & unlikely to be released in waterways will become worthless & in the hands of many alienated hobbyists.

Certainly there are species on your list that need attention, but there are many that do not, & thought also needs to be given to alternatives such as registration, micro-chipping & perhaps even sterilization of some other more questionable species. I urge you to take a far more considered & informed approach to this issue.

Yours Faithfully

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